Safe Place Manual - Being an Ally

An Ally:

  • Works to develop an understanding of homosexuality and the needs of GLBT persons
  • Chooses to align with GLBT persons and responds to their needs
  • Believes that it is in her/his self-interest to be an ally
  • Is committed to the personal growth required (in spite of the probability of discomfort and possible pain)
  • Is quick to take pride and appreciate successes in responding to homophobia and overcoming fears
  • Expects support from other allies
  • Is able to acknowledge and articulate how patterns of fear or oppression have operated in their lives
  • Expects to make some mistakes but does not use it as an excuse for non-action
  • Knows that both sides of an ally relationship have a clear responsibility for their own response to the oppression whether or not persons on the other side choose to respond
  • Knows that in the most empowered ally relationships, the person in the non-oppressed role initiates the change towards justice and equality at personal, institutional, and societal levels
  • Knows that he/she is responsible for humanizing or empowering their role in society, particularly as their role relates to responding to homophobia
  • Promotes a sense of community with GLBT persons and teaches others about the importance of outreach
  • Has a good sense of humor

 

Some Realities of Being an Ally:

  • People may assume that you are GLBT
  • People, even close friends, may ask about your sexuality
  • Some people may harass you
  • You may lose and gain friendships
  • You may be perceived as politically dangerous
  • Some people may make unfair biased assumptions about you
  • You may experience some emotional drain from the effort or time you expel in these issues
  • GLBT folks may question your sexuality, motives, and sincerity
  • You may experience a new culture and new ideas, rituals, and practices different than your own
  • People that you knew before and thought were heterosexual may come out to you
  • Your awareness about human relation issues may become more inclusive
  • You may experience feelings about yourself and your own homophobia on a personal level
  • You may begin to understand the interconnectedness of all oppressions
-Adapted from Shawn-Eric Brooks, 1990

Benefits of Being an Ally

  • Become less locked into gender roles and gender stereotypes
  • Can help the lives of members of the GLBT community
  • Able to make a difference in the campus environment
  • You actively take a role in relieving oppression; forms of oppression impact everyone
  • You can be there for your friend, classmate, roommate, teammate, brother, sister, professor, mother, father, other peers, and other people you know who are GLBT
  • Safe Places help GLBT people develop a stronger self-esteem and can lower occurrences of depression, abuse of drugs and alcohol, and suicide
- Source Unknown

 

Your Boundaries as an Ally

Your professional boundaries are the limits you set in relationships with people with whom you work. It is important to set appropriate boundaries for closeness and disclosure and to keep these boundaries when you contact the same people outside of your formal work setting. When you become an ALLY, you are expected to maintain the same professional, ethical boundaries you do with any other student. Do not take advantage of an ALLY relationship by imposing on any student your own sexual desires or sexual curiosity. When you are acting as an ALLY, take the "sex" out of homosexuality. Sexual thoughts and feelings are only part of being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Your task is to help those you ally yourself with increase their self-reliance, not take care of them. If someone has a serious problem, know when your competence reaches its limits. Don't hesitate to refer those students to qualified helping professionals, such as counseling services.

-Adapted from Northern Michigan Allies, 2004